thenewmomshow

I need a memory like a toddler

Anybody else out there find themselves immediately forgetting the good things when bad comes their way?

I don’t mean “I’m hangry and I am forgetting some are going without”

I am talking “why do you keep throwing your food on the ground? this day has been rough” even though it’s only been rough for 5 minutes…

I am finding myself in a season of forgetting. I have been forgetting the good and the victories and the blessing daily when I find myself falling short.

I think it’s kind of funny-kids forget the bad so quickly and adults seem to forget the good. They fall and bust their faces or lose a toy or spill their drinks and the world is ending for 30 seconds until they get a new french fry or toy or you snuggle them after a fall and there it is. It’s like the bad never even happened. They have totally moved on with their lives and are in search of the new whatever it is.

But me, I am the opposite. All day she is great and fun and we are having a joyous time and then one fit makes me feel as though the entire day has been a wash and we accomplished nothing. Such a horrible habit.

I don’t think motherhood brought this on-I think motherhood exposed it. I think motherhood shows us the yucky that is already there. We are not experiencing yucky feelings because we had a baby-we may have been out of touch or blind to them until now.

I think it’s so cool that we get to have a living example of how we should respond to the bad. Sometimes-when my heart is full of yuck- this frustrates me to no end. I hate that she(my daughter) moves on so quickly and I cannot. She is ready for hugs and books and play and I am brooding and feeling like i can’t stop even though I want to.

Here is what I am learning:

brooding and holding on to the yuck, forgetting the 32057897634 good things because of 2 bad things, these are horrible habits that I have been building since long before motherhood.

And the great news is:

I can change.

I can build NEW habits that are totally different and are positive, uplifting, and bring light into my home.

I am reading “One thousand gifts” by Ann Voskamp (Ann I beg you please come on our show I will give you all my money PLEASE!!!!) and she talks about habits needing to be replaced. You cannot just quit something, it needs to be replaced.

This Holiday season I am writing myself notes and sticking them everywhere to remind myself to think of the good, the beautiful, the lovely, the blessings. I am actively sharing these things with my family and friends so that I speak good not bad to anyone who will listen.

Does this mean I am faking it till I make it?

Heck no.

Anyone who knows me knows I am completely incapable of faking anything-seriously.

But I am beginning to live the life I want to live, and I do not want to raise my child in a negative environment with a dirty lens that only sees the bad when there is so much good around.

I invite you to join me. Make conscious decisions in the bad, hard, rough moments to remind yourself of all the good there is as well. You can feel the bad and still remember that the good exists.

I believe this is truly life to the full-seeing it all.

And I hope we can all be more like our kids and learn to move on quickly from those little dings in life. Real wounds and trauma need addressing and definitely healing, but the little slips and falls in life cannot stop us from remembering the blessings.

If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude. -Colin Powell

Oh and last thing:

Eat the elephant one bite at a time. One day at a time-or rather one fit or tantrum at a time.

You are good mama, you are good.

In a Holidaze

Anyone else feeling loads of feelings?

So excited?

Terrified?

Tempted to stress?

Can’t wait for it to be here?

I’m with you. I LOVE the holidays so much but approaching them as a mother is brand new and honestly terrifying.

My family and I celebrate advent-the season of waiting for Emmanuel- and it has really centered us to focus on what truly matters to us. But it is still tempting to enter the frenzy of holiday madness. We do not give many gifts. Instead, we have people in our home for quality time, good food, and fun.

That being said, it can be really tricky to navigate conversations with family about what truly matters to us-and not be offensive or critical! I have let all of our family members know that we are taking a minimalist approach with gifts and do not need or want many things. So far I have only had 2 tricky conversations about this!

It’s hard to celebrate and feel joyful and grateful for your family and time with them when you do not feel like you can be yourself and stick to your values. I had a wonderful conversation yesterday with a friend who reminded me of something crazy bananas:

I have a choice.

I do not have to engage. I do not have to attend. I do not have to make unnecessary purchases.

I have a choice.

This is so important to remember as we enter into the Holiday season. You do not have to engage in conversations that make you feel offended. You do not have to attend parties or affairs that make you feel anxious, exhausted, or stressed. You do not have to purchase things for people for the sake of purchasing things for someone.

Now, if choose not to engage or attend or purchase, you may have to have conversations. Prepare yourself, knowing you may need to let people know where you stand to avoid hurting others in the process.

But again, you have a choice.

This Holiday season, choose your family. Choose according to your values. Choose what will leave a wonderful, joy-filled, gratitude inducing experience for you and yours.

Babies grow fast and you only get one first Christmas and so on. Make them count based on what matters to you and yours.

You have a choice.