Where does your desire to be in control come from?
Ways to address your desire to be in control:
- Find a mantra
- After the feelings have simmered down, have an open conversation with your partner, where you are open to learning from your partner about why they respond differently than you do.
- Step away and pray
- Give him/her the benefit of the doubt
- Remember you are on the same team and that ultimately it’s more important to work together than to only do things your way.
- Process your feelings with a friend instead of your partner when you are feeling heated.
We are not here to control our children, but to help them navigate who they were created to be.
Surrender comes with acceptance. Build a system based on your reality, not what you wish were reality was.
Acceptance can dilute frustration.
If we don't actively deal with the roots of our fears and anxiety, we will parent out of the fear and anxiety.
You can press restart and make new choices.
“Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness.”
-Lamentations 3: 22-23
Mom guilt is real, but it’s not helpful when we don't give ourselves the room to live in the space we are in.
We can let guilt direct our parenting but it is more beneficial to intentionally decide how you want to parent based on what your child needs.
Tools for discovering where your anger comes from:
- verbally processing with a safe friend or therapist (you can ask the person not to give any feedback but to just listen.)
- Prayer for clarity
Dealing with the root, and not just putting a “band-aid” on the symptoms, allows you to uproot the issue and get deeper healing.
“When you’re feeling mad and you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to 4.”
Give yourself permission to pause and take a breath. Teach your kids to pause as well. This gives you the opportunity to make an intentional choice rather than just reacting from the feeling.
Put mantras or affirmations or scriptures on index cards or post-its, and put them all your home or car. For example, “This is temporary.”
Journal Prompts to take you deeper:
1. Have there been times in my life where things felt out of control? In what ways have I recovered from chaotic seasons in my life? How has God been faithful to me in chaotic or stormy seasons?
2. Why is it hard for me to slow down and look deeper? Is there something I am afraid of? In the worst case scenario how can I recover and heal? There is always the option of peace even in storms, so what is one thing I will hold onto for the next storm that will come?